Just Breathe
by evitascarlett
Summary: Follow up to Breathe Again: There would be no pretense this January, Kate thought to herself when she woke up on the morning of the ninth. There would be no going through the motions of work, of hiding how the day affected her. Today she'd go straight to the heart of the matter…she'd go to her mother so they could remind each other to just breathe.


_A/N: This is my little follow up to last year's Breathe Again. This story is the following January and fits inside the Tuesdays with Johanna era since Kate is pregnant with her first child in this one. I hope you all enjoy it!_

Just Breathe

There would be no pretense this January, Kate thought to herself when she woke up on the morning of the ninth. There would be no going through the motions of work, of hiding how the day affected her. Today she'd go straight to the heart of the matter…she'd go to her mother so they could remind each other to breathe…to let the past go and move on with the second chance they had been given. It sounded easy enough she mused as she remained huddled under the covers; but it wasn't easy at all. She breathed deeply; pushing back the raw edges of pain that had been inflicted on this date sixteen years before…the pain that had came nearly three years ago when she had learned that everything she thought she knew had been a lie…that her mother was alive.

She slowly expelled the breath she had taken; despite the pain she was still thankful that her mother had been spared…that she came home and they slayed the dragon together. There were many ups and downs…but somehow the hits hadn't tainted their bond; she was eternally grateful for that…especially now, she thought to herself as she moved her hand against the swell of her stomach. Her baby wouldn't have to look at photos and old home movies to know about her grandmother. Her baby would grow up surrounded by the love of Johanna Beckett…and most likely be spoiled by her too. Tears touched Kate's eyes and she blinked them back, silently cursing her hormones for making her even more emotional than she usually was on this day. There wasn't any reason to cry; her mother was at home; she was fine…she had talked to her the night before…but she had heard the slight undertones of unease creeping into her voice. Johanna Beckett was still afraid of this day…and truth be told, so was she in small ways but last year they had made a pact to not let this day be spent in bed…or by falling off the radar. They were supposed to be breathing again on this day…but it was still hard; maybe not as hard as the year before but it was there just the same.

"Kate," her husband said, giving her hip a soft shake. "You better get up and get ready for work."

"I'm not going today," she murmured. "I talked to Gates about it yesterday; she understands."

"You didn't tell me," Castle replied.

"I know…I figured you'd spend half the night telling me I should go and pretend it's the tenth of January instead of the ninth."

His hand rubbed against her hip consolingly. "It might make it easier."

"It doesn't…believe me, I've tried before."

"Johanna's fine though…the semester doesn't start for another week; I'm sure she's home and she's safe; you don't have to worry about her going to work today."

"I know…but I'm not going to work. It's an emotional day…and my hormones play hell with me as it is; I don't want to be bursting into tears at my desk, Castle."

"I get that," he said quietly. "But what are you going to do, take off January ninth every year? You didn't always do that before she came home."

"No; I'm not saying I'll always take the day off…but it's still a little hard right now and it's what I need."

"Okay," Castle said, giving her hip an affectionate squeeze. "What can I do?"

"I guess you can make breakfast and after I eat I'll head over to my Mom's."

"Or you could stay home with me and maybe I can help you feel better," he offered.

"You always make me feel better," Kate said gently; "But on this day, I just have to be with her, Rick; at least for a little while. I need to see her…for the sake of my heart and nerves."

"I could go with you."

"No," she said with a shake of her head as she sat up. "Not this time."

Castle breathed deeply. "Will you ever let me be here for you on this day, Kate?" he asked quietly.

"You are here for me on this day every year, Rick; and you do it by letting me do what I need to do. Remember, we talked about it last year…that when it comes to this day, I have to get through it with her…because being there with her and seeing her and being able to touch her and talk to her…that's what makes me feel better…it's what let's me breathe easier. Then I come home and we do our normal things and that's what's best…it's how you're there for me."

"I know…I just wish you'd let me do more…like letting me go with you."

"It wouldn't work, Castle; you and Mom…things are a little better than they were but she wouldn't be comfortable. She'd fake her way through the day and it wouldn't help any of us. It's got to be us…I'm not saying that to hurt you…it's just how it works best."

He still hated that he couldn't fix everything in her world…that he couldn't magically make this day better for her…that he couldn't go with her as added support. "Do you think I'd say the wrong thing to her?" he couldn't help but ask.

Kate gave him a sleepy smile as she raked her fingers through her tousled hair. "Well, you do have a habit of it…and today just isn't a day for it. The best thing you can do for her is just let her have me for awhile…and the best thing you can do for me is just let me go home to my mom for awhile."

Castle rubbed his hand against stomach, feeling the soft flutter of a kick. "Okay; I can do that. What do you and jellybean want for breakfast?"

She smiled; her hand covering his as it rested against her stomach. "I think we want pancakes…and scrambled eggs…and peaches."

"Peaches?" he asked in puzzlement.

"Yeah…I've got a craving; I don't know why…I don't really care for them all that much."

"I don't even think we have any," her husband remarked.

"That's okay…what about applesauce?"

"Applesauce!? With pancakes?!" he exclaimed.

"I can't help it…it's your baby; it probably gets that weird gene from you," she quipped.

"Ha Ha," Castle said, amusement in his gaze. "We do have applesauce…please tell me you want it in a separate dish and not on the pancakes."

"I definitely want it in a separate dish."

"Thank God; because I'm still having nightmares about you putting ice cream on top of your pancakes."

Kate grimaced a little. "I don't know what possessed me…besides the baby…that's definitely got to be one of your genes."

"I'd like to deny that but you're probably right," he said with a nod before dipping his head to kiss the swell of her belly and then pressing a kiss to her lips. "I'll get breakfast started."

"I think I want sausage too…I'm starving."

"Seems to be the trend lately," Castle remarked lightly. "I'll prepare a small feast."

"I'm looking forward to it," she replied, brushing another kiss to his lips. "Thanks for understanding about today."

"No problem."

She gave him a smile and then dragged herself out of their bed and into the bathroom; her hand rubbing against her belly. "We're going to go see Grandma," she told her baby. "Kick a lot so she can feel you…she's sad today but maybe we can make her happy."

* * *

"I could just call in sick," Jim stated, his fingers digging into his wife's waist as she tied his tie for him. "Craig can get Jeff to do the deposition."

"No," Johanna said softly. "I don't want you to have to lie…besides; Craig specifically asked you to do this one so there must be something there that he's sure you'll spot that someone else will miss. He didn't know us back then…he doesn't realize what this date means to us."

"I know," he breathed; "But I do and I could've told him."

"You're the one who said that we had to just make this day like any other date on the calendar," she reminded him as she fixed his collar.

"Yeah, I know…but that doesn't mean it's any easier to leave you alone on this day."

"It's not easy for me either," she murmured; "But I guess it was something we were going to have to face sooner or later."

"Maybe we're not ready yet."

She gave him a sad smile. "I don't think we have much choice…Craig's depending on you."

"But my priority is making sure you're okay today," Jim replied. "I know last year we said we were going to be better about it…but I know it's hard for you…it's hard for both of us."

"I don't think it'll ever be completely easy," Johanna said softly; her hand smoothing down his tie. "But I guess we have to do these things anyway…at least that's what you told me last year."

"I meant everything I said last year; I just know things are easier said than done."

"I know," she replied, giving in and laying her head against his chest. "But I do my best for you."

"I know you do," he murmured as he wrapped her in a tight embrace; feeling a tear drop onto his shirt and it made his heart clench. She was trying to be brave for him; he knew that just by looking at her face and the way she tried to smile every time she met his eye. She wasn't ready for this…and he wasn't sure he was either. "I think I should stay here with you…maybe it's too soon."

"It's my third January home," she said, her voice full of tears; "It's always going to feel too soon. You have to work…I'll be okay…I promise; I'll be fine."

Jim breathed deeply, knowing that she wasn't going to budge no matter how much it hurt her to be by herself for awhile today. "I know what I said last year about not hiding away on this day…but you won't go out today while I'm gone will you?"

"God no," she breathed. "I'm not stepping outside the door unless you're with me…but I don't plan on going anywhere even when you get home. I promise the doors will be locked and I'll be here when you get home."

"I know you will be," he said confidently as he held her tighter. "I don't want you to think I doubt that because I don't."

"I didn't think otherwise…we're just not completely ourselves on this day. Hopefully it'll go quickly…how long will you be gone? Will you be gone the whole day like you usually are when you're working?" she asked.

He heard the undertones of anxiety in her voice at being alone for so long and he wasn't about to put her through a whole day of it. "No, sweetheart; the deposition will take a couple hours but as soon as it's done, I'm coming home…I promise."

"Okay…I'm glad," she allowed herself to whisper although she was trying to be brave for him so he wouldn't feel badly for going.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Jim said quietly. "I'll be home as soon as possible and then we'll find something to do…order dinner…we can call Katie and see if she wants to join us."

"That would be nice…but she might be tired after work. I know she's on desk duty but pregnancy is draining."

"We'll ask anyway and if she says she's tired we'll tell her we understand and that there aren't any hard feelings," he assured. "But maybe you two can at least talk on the phone sometime today…it'll be good for both of you."

"Maybe I can call her at lunch time…she'll be on break then."

"That'll work," Jim replied.

Johanna forced herself to pull back a little. "I better get you some breakfast."

Scarlett meowed from the chair before Jim could speak and she smiled a little. "And Scarlett too. What would you like for breakfast, honey?"

"Something light," he remarked; "I already have a knot in my stomach; I don't want to aggravate it."

"I'll be okay…I promise," she said; unable to keep the tears from springing to her eyes again.

"I know you will be…it's just something we have to get through."

"Should we just do cereal and toast this morning?" she asked.

"That sounds good, sweetheart. We'll just eat light for now and we'll order something good for dinner."

"Alright," Johanna replied, conjuring up a smile for him.

"What are you going to do today?" he asked as he reluctantly released her so he could grab his suit jacket.

"I'll probably just finish up work on my lesson plans," she answered. "Get things set up on the site the kids use for online work. I'll try to keep busy and then the time will go faster."

"That's a good plan…I just hate to leave you alone."

"I'm not totally alone," she replied as Scarlett rubbed against her ankle. "Scarlett's with me…she'll keep me company while you're at work."

Jim smiled down at the cat. "You stay close to your mommy today, Scarlett."

The cat meowed as if she was giving her word that she'd stay close to Johanna for the day.

"I'm sure she'll be on my lap while I'm at my desk…or at my feet at the very least," Johanna assured. "She always stays with me when I'm in the office."

"Good…and make sure the doors are locked."

"I always do."

Jim blew out another breath before cupping her cheek and capturing her lips in a soft kiss. "I know I'll probably say this three more times before I make myself walk out the door but I can't ever say it too much, especially on this day. I love you, Johanna."

"I love you too, Jim," she said softly, settling back into his arms for a long moment. "It'll be okay."

He nodded, pressing a kiss to her hair. "We just have to keep remembering to breathe…just breathe."

"Just breathe," Johanna whispered in agreement; steeling herself so that she could get through making breakfast and seeing him off to work…when all she wanted to do was give in and let him call in sick…crawl back in bed and pull the covers up over them and hide from the world and this day for awhile. But they couldn't do that forever…he had to be able to leave her by herself for a few hours on this day…and she had to make herself fight the urge to sleep through it.

* * *

Kate unlocked the backdoor and stepped into her mother's kitchen but she found it void of her presence. Her stomach clinched at the silence and the emptiness of the room as she laid her hand against her stomach. Scarlett meowed at her from her water dish and she forced herself to release the breath she hadn't realized she was holding. "Hey, furball; where's Mom?" she asked; knowing that her mother's car was in the driveway.

Scarlett headed for the threshold of the kitchen and she followed her, sure that the cat would lead her to her mother. Scarlett hurried down the hallway to the office, slipping through the open door with a meow. Kate followed, catching sight of her mother as she sat at her desk; textbooks and laptop open but it was easy to see that despite her gaze being on the screen, she was a million miles away. "Mom," she said softly.

Johanna flinched at the sound, her gaze jerking toward her daughter. "Katie," she said quietly; "What are you doing here? Shouldn't be at work?"

"I took the day off," Kate replied as she sat her purse on the corner of the desk. "Where's Dad?"

"He had to go to the office for a little while…he didn't want to," Johanna remarked with a small wobbly smile; "But I made him go anyway."

"But you didn't want him to go?" she asked as she sat down.

Her mother shook her head. "No…but this case is important that he's working on and Craig didn't think anything about scheduling this date for him to take the deposition that he has to do today. He said he'd call and say he was sick; that someone else could do it…but I didn't want him to lie…," she said, trailing off…the words 'because I had to lie on this day' filling the air without being spoken.

Kate gave her a small smile. "I'm sure he'll get home as soon as he can."

'That's what he said…I hope he's home before dark."

"He usually is," she replied.

Johanna nodded as her phone buzzed. She picked it up and looked at it, smiling a little. "He texts me every so often," she said, holding up the phone for her daughter to read the message. _"Just breathe…just like you do on any other day."_

"Dad's your motivational speaker," Kate said lightly although her tone remained low and soft.

"Yeah; he's a renaissance man when it comes to me. Did he tell you to come over while he was gone?"

"No," her daughter said honestly. "I haven't talked to him today…or yesterday either. I came because I wasn't going to work…because I just felt like I needed to be here…if that's okay?"

"Of course it is," Johanna replied. "I'm always happy to see you…especially on days like this when things feel out of sorts."

She gave a nod. "Are you okay?"

Her mother gave a soft huff of a laugh even as tears filled her eyes. "I'm out of bed."

Kate smiled. "Well that's something, isn't it?"

"I had to get up and make breakfast for your father and feed Scarlett."

"She led me right to you when I asked her where you were."

Johanna smiled softly. "She had just got down from my lap a few minutes ago; she had been sleeping on me for a little while."

"I think she was getting a drink when I came in."

"Probably so," she replied, watching as Scarlett curled up in a patch of sunlight.

"What are you doing?" Kate asked with a nod at the desk.

"I was supposed to be finishing up my lesson plans but I admit that I haven't accomplished much…I've only gotten one thing done. I've got time to finish up; there isn't much left…but I thought maybe I could push through it while Jim was out."

"But you're too distracted today," her daughter replied; understanding in her tone.

"Yeah," Johanna admitted as she leaned back in her chair and scrubbed her hands over her face. "I keep trying not to be…I keep trying not to think about it…but I can't make it completely go away."

"It's okay, Kate assured. "I think it's that way for all of us…one day it'll be easier but it's still kind of soon I guess."

There was a slight tremor of her hand as Johanna struggled to hold back her tears. "I didn't cry when he went out the door," she said softly. "I bit the hell out of the inside of my cheek but I didn't cry until he had done pulled out of the driveway."

She offered her mother a small smile. "That's probably a good thing…if you had cried in front of him; Craig would be taking the deposition."

"I know…and I didn't want him to lie…and I didn't want him to have to explain the truth either. I don't want to feel like I'm star attraction at the freak show again."

"I understand that," Kate replied. "My husband thinks I should just pretend it's the tenth instead…but it doesn't work that way."

"No, it doesn't," Johanna agreed. "That's why I don't like to have to have your father explain the significance…it's why I don't like to explain it either. People look at you and say 'well all that's over and your home now so you should be able to look past this date'…but you can't. You just can't overlook the day your life fell apart."

"That's true," she murmured; "All we can do is try to be better on this day than we have been before."

Johanna released a weighted sigh. "I'm out of bed earlier this year than last year."

"Instead of going to work and trying to fake my way through it; I just went ahead and asked Gates for the day off yesterday."

"Did she give you any trouble about it?"

"No…she seems to understand; besides, she's the one who sent me home last year. I think she'd prefer I just stay home on this day…because I'm not at my best on it…but at least I can admit it."

Her mother nodded. "So I guess we have small improvements over last year."

Kate smiled. "I think we can claim that…and we promised last year to spend at least part of this day together as a family…and I'm here."

A smile ghosted across Johanna's lips. "Even before I got the chance to call and ask you."

"Were you going to call?"

"Yes; I didn't know you had taken the day off so I was waiting until lunch time when you'd be on break…I was going to ask you to come over for dinner…which you can still stay for dinner."

"What are we having?"

"I don't know; your father said we'd order something. I think he's suggesting that so I won't have to wash dishes…I tend to end up cutting myself when I wash dishes when I'm distracted."

"It probably is best to leave the cooking to someone else and eat off paper plates," Kate replied; keeping her tone soft so that she wouldn't accidentally sound like she had meant it in some other way.

"It probably is…and I don't really feel like cooking anyway."

"Then you shouldn't," Kate told her; "And maybe you should put your work away too…it'll still be there tomorrow and you'll probably feel better then."

"That's probably a good idea," Johanna said as she saved what she had been trying to work on and then closed her laptop and her books. "I'll finish it tomorrow or the next day."

"Are you teaching the same classes this semester?"

"Yes; but the civil procedure class is basically a 'part two' in a manner of speaking. Fall semester we focus on procedure for defense and in the spring we focus on the prosecution."

"So you'll have the same kids again in that one?"

"Yes, except for a few who failed part one."

"Did Brady make it this time?" Kate asked; recalling one of her mother's favorite students.

Johanna smiled. "He did; he made it through with a B. I'm so proud of him."

"I'm glad he made it to the next course. He's going to miss you when he's done with this one," she teased.

Johanna laughed. "He's already told me that he'll be signing up for the civil rights class."

Kate laughed with her. "Well he does liven up the day."

"He does do that."

"Did Brittany pass?" she asked; recalling another student.

"Yes; she'll be in there for part two as well."

"That's good; I know you said she works hard…that she wants to get her law degree not just for herself but for her baby."

Johanna nodded. "Little Sophie can one day tell her kindergarten class that she's already been to law school since she sometimes joins us," she said lightly.

"Hey; that kid might be super smart absorbing all this in at her age," Kate said with a laugh.

"She very well could be," her mother agreed. "She's a sweet baby. Speaking of babies…I put in my request to change my days in the fall to Tuesdays and Thursday so I can watch the baby the other three days."

"You're really okay with changing your schedule?" she asked although she had been reassured a hundred times that it was what her mother wanted.

"I'm positive, Katie. I want to have time with my grandchild…I spent a lot of years feeling like I'd never have the chance…and since God was kind enough to give me my chance I'm not going to take it for granted."

She nodded. "Did they give you any trouble about it?"

"No; the head of my department is a grandmother herself. She understands and honestly liked the idea…she's trying to talk me into taking an extra class on Tuesdays in the fall."

"Just on Tuesdays?"

"Yeah; but I haven't made up my mind yet…I've got time."

"What would the class be?"

"A family law class; it would mainly concentrate on things like pre-nups, dissolution of property, alimony…those sorts of things."

"You have a history in family law," Kate remarked; "I know civil rights was your main focus once you left your first firm but you did family law and contract law too."

"I know," she replied; "But I already have three classes; I'm not sure if I want to take on a fourth. I've got awhile to think about it though."

"Whatever you think is best."

Silence fell between them and Johanna's mind drifted to that morning in 1999 when she had kissed and hugged her daughter goodbye; praying that it wouldn't be for long as her heart crumbled. She felt the sting of tears in her eyes but blinked rapidly to keep them at bay. There was no reason to dwell on it; she made it back home…it took longer than she had ever wanted but she was there and she could see and talk to her daughter any time she wanted to…and most importantly; today she was there in front of her and when she decided to go home it wouldn't be for long; she'd come back…and she'd call; just like any other time.

"Mom," Kate said; breaking into her thoughts.

"Yeah," she answered; scrubbing her hands over her face once more as if it would erase the bad memories from her brain.

"Don't go to the dark place," her daughter murmured.

"I keep trying not to, Katie," she said softly. "I just can't always control my brain the way I'd like."

"I know the feeling…but let's try anyway. Let's do something…nothing outside though, it's freezing," Kate replied.

Johanna shook her head. "You don't have to worry about that; I already promised to stay in the house with the doors locked…I assume you used your key and I didn't miss locking the backdoor, did I?"

"No; it was locked. I used my key…you're safe."

She breathed deeply; allowing those words to wash over her…she was safe…nothing was going to happen today. She was safe. She was home; her daughter came to visit and behind that bump was her grandchild…and her husband would be home sometime in the afternoon. Everything was going to fine.

"It's been awhile since we had a Temptation Lane marathon," Kate remarked. "I've missed a few episodes…sometimes it's impossible to watch it with Castle."

Johanna smiled a little. "Husbands are good for spoiling soaps…I usually get even by talking through a Star Wars movie when it's on TV."

"I don't know why you don't like Star Wars," she laughed. "It's fun."

"I don't know; I just never could get into it. I've hated it since the first one came out…I don't mind Leia…and Yoda is kind of endearing; but the rest of that nonsense isn't for me. I've just never been a sci-fi fan," Johanna said as she rose from her chair.

"I guess every family has their odd one," Kate teased as she too rose from her chair.

"Apparently so," her mother smirked. "But the jury is still out on who it is in this family so you better watch it."

Kate waited until her mother was near her and then she reached for her; pulling her into the tight hug she had been waiting for since she had gotten up that morning.

Johanna held her tightly. "Are you okay?"

"I'm better now," she said even though tears filled her eyes. "I know I haven't been all that good at showing it the past few years but I love you, Mom."

"It's just the way of mothers and daughters sometimes, Katie…but I know you do. I love you too…I always have…even when I had no choice but to hurt you."

"I know," she said as she held onto her a little tighter. "I know you didn't want to…but you had to and it's okay because it means you're here with me now…and you're here to be my baby's grandmother."

"That's right…she's the sunshine after the rain, sweetheart."

Tears spilled down her cheeks and seeped through her mother's soft green top. "I don't mean to cry…I told myself I wouldn't but my damn hormones won't let me have any control…when are they going to ease up?"

"Not anytime soon," Johanna said as she gave her one more squeeze and then pushed her back so she could wipe away her tears. "It's okay though; better to let it out than hold it in."

Kate took a shuddering breath and gripped her mother's hand as she tried to get herself back under control. "Let's go watch TV and be lazy…I think we've earned a lazy day."

Johanna kept hold of her hand and headed for the doorway. "Come on, Scarlett; girls lazy day; we're going to watch TV."

The cat got up from her patch of sunlight on the floor and hurried after them. "It's like she really understands what we say," Kate remarked as they reached the living room and Scarlett headed for her cat bed to curl up in it.

"That's because she does understand," her mother replied as she went to the closet and took down a plush throw for Kate, knowing that her daughter liked to have a cozy blanket just as much as she did when being lazy.

They settled down on the couch together and she turned on the TV and found a few episodes of Temptation Lane that she had recorded on the dvr. "How are you feeling today, Katie?" she asked; trying to keep topics of the past at bay for the sake of both of them.

"Pretty good today; I slept good last night…which surprised me a little."

"Good; I'm glad you got some rest…if you get sleepy while we watch TV, curl up there and go to sleep, I won't get offended. I remember how tired I was when I carried you," Johanna replied.

"I think I'll be alright," Kate remarked. "The baby's moving a good bit the last few days. I think that book Castle got me gave me the impression that I wouldn't feel her as much until next month…but I feel her a good bit…I admit I got worried about it the other day and called the doctor and asked if it was normal."

"There's nothing wrong with that," Johanna assured; "What did she say?"

"She said some babies are more active than others and some women feel that activity sooner than others but that there's nothing wrong with feeling her moving around a good bit at this point…it's been a few weeks since I felt the first kick. I guess she's just a mover."

"Maybe she's going to be a dancer," her mother replied.

"Maybe so."

Silence fell as they watched the show for several minutes but Kate's gaze kept flicking to her mother, watching as she slowly retreated into her thoughts. She wasn't going to let her go down that dark road of the past in their silences. She reached for her hand and her mother met her eye as she pulled it toward her stomach and placed it where the baby was kicking, pressing her hand over hers. "This is all you need to think about today," she told her softly. "Just think about the baby…I told her this morning that we were going to visit Grandma; maybe that's why she's wiggling around, she's excited to be at Grandma's."

Johanna smiled; moisture in her eyes as she felt the movement of the baby against her palm. "Hi, sweetheart…Grandma's here. I can't wait to see you and hold you. Grandpa will be home later, maybe he'll get to feel you kick too."

"Hopefully she won't be napping when he gets home," Kate said lightly; thinking that maybe baby topics were best for today.

"Have you picked names yet?" Johanna asked.

"No; we're still debating."

"No debate needed," she remarked, her hand rubbing against her grandchild. "That's my little Gracie."

"It's not Gracie," she laughed.

"But Grace is such a pretty name."

"It's hard to find a middle name that fits with it though."

"Grace Alexandra," Johanna stated.

Kate laughed softly. "You were pretty quick with that one."

"I've thought about it."

"Well you know we should still consider boys names too since we don't have the confirmation yet…I mean just because you've convinced me it's a girl doesn't mean it really will be. You know I had to postpone my appointment because of work stuff and then the doctor had to postpone it because of an emergency…we'll know this time next week though."

"It's a girl; that's Gracie," her mother said, patting her belly once more, feeling another flutter as her reward.

"If it's a boy, it's definitely not Gracie."

"Sean on the off chance it's a boy."

"Sean's not a bad name; I'll keep that in consideration."

"What name do you want for a girl?" Johanna asked.

Kate sighed. "I'm not sure. I like Charlotte but Castle doesn't…he said it reminds him of Charlotte's Web and kids in school will call her a spider…which I highly doubt but I don't want to hear that the rest of my life."

Her mother laughed. "I understand. Any other names stick out to you?"

"Ones that have already been used in the family like Olivia and Haley. Castle likes Poppy and I told him no way in hell."

"Poppy!" she exclaimed. "What the hell possessed him to think up that one?"

"I have no idea but it's not happening."

"Thank God."

"He then suggested Leia…and even though I like Star Wars; I'm not naming my kid after a Star Wars character."

"Gracie," Johanna said. "It's Gracie."

Kate laughed. "Just for you I'll keep that name on the list, okay?"

"Okay but you know it fits her…as soon as you see her you'll say 'Gracie' just like we called you Katie."

"We'll see," she quipped, glad that the storm clouds had cleared from her mother's eyes and she didn't mind that her hand was lingering against her stomach. If that connection to the baby made the day easier for her; she could leave her hand there to feel those little flutters of movement. Maybe it was what they both needed…to concentrate on the new life that would be coming into their world instead of mourning the one they had lost.

* * *

Later that day, Kate stirred and her eyes flicked open, searching for her mother. "Mom?" she said, a hint of confusion in her voice.

"I'm right here," Johanna said from her place at the other end of the sofa. "Did you have a nice nap?"

"I swear I didn't mean to fall asleep on you," she replied as she sat up. "I only curled up there to be comfortable."

"It's okay, Katie," her mother laughed. "I know how it is; you were only out for about a half hour. It's good for you to get rest when you can."

"I know but I came to spend the day with you; not so you could watch me nap."

"It's not the first time I've watched you nap," Johanna said as she laid her phone aside. "I just chatted with Maggie a little while you were sleeping."

"You're okay?" she asked cautiously; hoping that her nap hadn't caused her mother to dwell on bad thoughts.

"I'm fine," Johanna assured. "Maggie was telling me that yoga classes will be starting again…she wanted to know if I wanted to go again and I said yes as long as she's going too."

"Is she?"

"Yes."

"Good; I know you like it."

"Maybe you should come with us after the baby is born," her mother suggested; "It'll relax you…and believe me, there will be moments when you just need to relax."

Kate smiled. "I might consider that; I do like yoga."

Johanna's phone rang and she snatched it up. "That's your father."

'If he's coming home, tell him to bring pizza," her daughter replied. "We need pizza."

"We as in me and you or we as in you and Gracie?"

"All of us but her name isn't Gracie."

"It's unofficial," Johanna said as she accepted the call.

"What's unofficial?" Jim asked after his wife said hello.

"The baby's name," she replied. "I've named our grandchild Gracie."

"That's a cute name," he agreed. "Is Katie there?"

"Yes; she's here…she's been keeping me company most of the day," she said, a note of happiness in her tone that he didn't miss.

"Didn't she have to work?"

"She took the day off…I'm glad; we haven't had a day to spend together in awhile."

"That's great, sweetheart," Jim said; relief filling him that she hadn't been alone much in his absence. "I'm glad you and Katie are having some time together. Is she staying for dinner?"

"Yes, she's going to stay for dinner."

"Bring pizza!" Kate called out so her father would hear her.

Jim laughed. "Is Katie having a craving?"

"I believe she is; when will you be home?"

"That's why I called; I'm finished for the day…are you good with pizza for dinner? I could go ahead and pick it up and we can just eat a little early."

"Pizza's fine with me," Johanna replied.

"What do you want on it?"

"Pepperoni."

"And pineapple," Kate remarked.

"Pineapple!?" her mother exclaimed. "Since when do you like pineapple on pizza?"

"I don't know," she sighed; "I've just got this craving for it…you could just have it put on half the pizza."

"Never thought I'd see this day," Jim remarked as he listened to the conversation. "Our daughter wants pineapple on a pizza…that's like when you wanted sausage on the pizza when usually you hated that."

"What can we say, pregnancy is weird," Johanna replied. "Get pepperoni and tell them to put pineapple on half of it. I want a salad too."

"Alright; and breadsticks," Jim stated as he wrote down the order.

"I desperately need French fries," Kate declared.

"Katie's in desperate need of French fries," Johanna reported to him.

"I'll get the family size order," Jim remarked; "I don't want her being deprived and I don't you to lose a finger if you reach for one."

She laughed and it was music to his ear when she didn't often have reason to laugh on this day. "That's a good idea, honey."

"Anything else?" he asked.

"Katie, do we need anything else?"

"No; I think we're good…you still have some brownies left for dessert, don't you?" she asked; thinking of the ones they had nibbled on before she took a nap.

"Yes, sweetheart; there are more brownies."

"Then we're good," she declared.

"That's all we need, Jim," Johanna remarked.

"Alright; I'll get the food and I'll be home to my girls shortly."

A smile touched her lips. "We're looking forward to it."

* * *

Later on, Johanna was quiet as she sat at the table, their feast in front of them as her husband and daughter laughed together. She breathed deeply and exhaled, letting the weight of the day lift from her shoulders as she watched Kate hurriedly grab Jim's hand and press it against the swell of her stomach. She watched the smile spread across her husband's face as he felt their grandchild kick for the first time, filling her with warmth.

"That's a feisty one," Jim commented, feeling the tiny flutters against his palm. "Just like you were, Katie."

"Mom thinks the baby is going to be a dancer," Kate replied.

"No," he said as he patted the spot where his grandchild kicked. "That's just that McKenzie blood of your mother's; those McKenzie's are feisty; that's were you get it."

"I don't think we should count out the Becketts," his daughter replied.

"Trust me, it's the McKenzie blood," he quipped; his gaze moving to his wife. "You're awful quiet all of a sudden, sweetheart; are you okay?"

She smiled as she nodded. "Just breathing," she murmured; knowing they'd know what she meant.

Jim gave her a smile, seeing that there weren't any dark clouds lingering in her eyes. "Next year we'll have a highchair at the table for little Sassy in there," he said with a nod at their daughter's stomach.

"I know," Johanna replied; "I'm looking forward to that."

"Me too," Kate said softly. "We'll be here…I promise. We made a pact last year…I'm not going to break it."

"Then it's a date," Jim said; "We're all going to be here at this table next year on this day…and while I think we did better this year than last year; next year we're going to be even better because the baby will be here and it'll be impossible not to be happy about that; right, Jo?"

"Right," Johanna said, giving them both a smile. "Everything's going to be alright as long as I have all of you."

"We're not going anywhere," her husband replied.

"And neither are you," Kate added.

"I know…but it's easier to feel like everything is alright on this day when I get to be with both of you."

"We have a deal," Kate said once more; realizing all the more that she had made the right decision to spend the day with her mother. "We're going to be together on this day...and next year the baby will be here too."

Johanna gave her a smile as she reached for her hand. "It gives me a reason to look forward to this day...it'll be hard to dread it when it'll mean guaranteed family time."

"It's a promise," her daughter stated once more, giving her hand a squeeze. "I think we had a pretty good day today but next year we'll be even better like Dad said."

She stretched her opposite hand toward her husband so that she could hold it as well for a moment. "We're still learning," she murmured; "But I think I did breathe easier this year despite a somewhat bumpy morning in terms of emotions."

"I think that's true of all us," Jim replied; "But it's alright…we just take it one January at a time…and one day it won't be so hard anymore."

Johanna nodded; giving him a smile before she released their hands. It was going to be alright; she had her husband; she had solid ground with her daughter…and soon she'd have a grandchild to love and spoil; her sunshine after the rain. Life had fallen apart on this day long ago…but they had reclaimed it and it was getting better all the time.


End file.
